PRELUDE:
How is it one of God’s creations, beautiful in color, void of arms and legs can move at multiple speeds, climb trees, maneuver through plumbing, survive in almost every climate, and swallow creatures bigger than themselves? I guess you could say they are born that way. Some are born live, and some hatch from eggs. Some people love them, and some people hate them.
I believe that a person who fears reptiles probably had a bad experience with a snake-like I had years ago. Many negative things influence and stir fear in people. In some cases, those bad memories can last a lifetime. Keep in mind that as you read my stories, I hope to make you laugh and encourage us all to co-exist with reptiles and do so with caution. When I walk around my yard, patio or garage, I always look down just in case I encounter a snake to avoid ever getting bit or stepping on one.
THE PAST CAN BITE YOU:
With the boys long gone from my home, one would think that the horror stories would end. No chance. The boys still attempt to get a rise out of mom. An excellent example of this is a Martens’ family houseboat trip to Lake Shasta over eight years ago. My son Chris and I each brought our boats to go bass fishing. At the end of one of our fishing days, I was peacefully sitting on the floor in the back of my boat, working on tackle. Chris decided to step onto the front of my boat from the houseboat with his latest find; a snake he caught on the shore. All my nightmares from the past flashed before my eyes. My scream brought everyone out from the houseboat to see who died! Everyone thought I was kidding until they realized I was shaking and could hardly breathe. It wasn’t the snake I was terrified of; it was the fear of what Chris might do with the snake-like releasing it in my boat. Remember my last article's crotch story and the snake on the gas pedal? There you go. Chris wisely backed off my boat, and peace was restored.
It’s always been common for Chris to hear a rattlesnake while fishing, jump off the boat, and go on shore to try and find it. I guess it’s his way of honing his wrangling skills. Chris is a big, stubborn guy, but I always win when we’re on my boat! NO REPTILES ALLOWED. Even when he’s driving a car or walking and sees a rattler, he will stop and kill it, skin it, cook and eat it. It’s great having him around on a camping trip because he’s like a junkyard dog on snake patrol. Rattlesnakes do taste like chicken. I ate rattlesnake once during a gourmet dinner at a conference in Yosemite. How big and brave of me!
NEVER-ENDING BACKYARD STORIES:
Our oldest son Brian has never chased down snakes, but he confronted a rattlesnake by our pool years ago. He had been on his knees pulling weeds and heard a rattle and realized the snake was under the deck just a foot away. He remembered hearing the same sound the day before, and under great stress, he did the invader in. My husband and I visited Chris in Lancaster, and Brian called us to share the excitement. He was in shock because his deep voice was a few octaves higher, as if he had just gotten off the Viper at Magic Mountain. Did I say viper? I digress.
My husband would sit by the pool in the backyard in his mobility chair, enjoying the sun and reservoir in recent years. One late afternoon after I helped him back in the house, I turned around to go back outside. A coiled-up rattlesnake facing me was just a few feet away from where Jerry had been sitting. I was stunned and slowly stepped back into the house and called the fire dept. Big mistake!
Ten minutes later, a hook and ladder and a regular fire truck showed up. Four suited-up firemen trudged through my house with shovels into the backyard. I explained the snake had slithered off behind the pool equipment and fence. Would you believe they looked everywhere but there! I explained that I was sure the snake had gone under the wall into Millie’s yard, mostly ivy. They sat chatting and admiring the reservoir a little longer and then went next door and trudged through Millie’s house. About 10 minutes later, they all returned to their trucks. I asked them if they found it, and they said no but to call them if it came back. I replied, “Not in your life!” Although they were all huge and handsome, I had already decided they didn’t like snakes either. I’ve always kept a shovel handy from then on, even though I wouldn’t say I like the idea that I’d have to kill something.
About four years ago, I left my husband, Chris, and his wife, Trish, sitting by the pool while I went to the market to buy some food. Chris was seated near Jerry by the ever-popular ivy and pool equipment. Chris heard a rustle and spun his head around in time to see a rattlesnake pop its head above the ivy. He leaped into action by grabbing a nearby tool and beheading the snake in a flash (so I was told), and once again, he thought it would be fun to scare mom. He laid the dead snake by the pool on the deck just feet away from the shallow end. Jerry remained in his same spot, Trish was on a lounge chair at the other end of the pool, and Chris was positioned in a chair by the house with his camera phone.
I arrived home and plopped myself in the shallow end of the pool with a plate of chicken. Everyone was calm even after I announced hot chicken was in the kitchen for the taking. I then glanced to the left, and there it was, coming right at me just a few feet away. Jumping up and running towards the house, I yelled, “Rattlesnake!” This drew a huge laugh from everyone. That’s just another reason I don’t like snakes; they look alive even when they’re dead. I’m still looking at that snake because Chris put the skin on Jerry’s favorite hat that still hangs on the coat rack.
GRAND FINALE:
My articles can take weeks to write and rewrite, and the snake stories are no exception. I had spent a few days wrapping up this story and decided to take a little break. I went downstairs and walked over to the patio door. I kid you not; coming right towards me was a rattlesnake. It had been years since I had seen one, and I had just finished writing all those patio/snake stories. I stood there looking at this thing and said, “You’ve got to be kidding!”
This time I’m alone and confused about what to do first. I snapped some photos with my camera phone and then called Chris in Lancaster for moral support wishing he was here in my time of need. He told me I would have to kill it if I didn’t want it by the spa or in the patio or garage. I ran and got a flat shovel and came back to find the prowler had gone from the back sliding door around to the kitchen door. It was now facing away from me and just inches from the door. After a heartfelt prayer, I slowly opened the door and raised the shovel above my head. Shaking and whimpering, I brought it down hard. Oops, I think you chop off the whole head and not just half. To make a long story short, I chopped the entire head off. Honestly, I hated doing it. Hopefully, it will be the last time I have to kill something. A few days later, my neighbor Pete came over and tossed the carcass into the reservoir where I hoped it would be recycled. Even though I still don’t touch snakes or lizards, I feel I conquered my fear by dealing with the snake and not calling the fire dept.
I’ve never been concerned with all the other types of snakes lurk around because they don’t pose a danger to people or pets. My family and I do enjoy feeding bugs to the lizards for entertainment. Now and then, lizards find their way into my home. Because I don’t touch them, getting them out is always a big project that requires a broom, trash can, and moving furniture. It would make a funny home video for sure.
The above would be the last thing I had to write about snakes, but I was at Castaic a few days ago fishing in the back of a cove. As I turned the boat to leave, right in front of me was a 4- foot snake in the water. Feeling the vibration of my trolling motor, it stopped, and after I went around him, it headed back to where it came from. Now and then, I’ve encountered snakes swimming in the lakes, and they will come on your boat if you’re not watching. Sometimes it’s hard to identify what species they are, but Chris looked at my photos and said it was just a gopher snake.
Amen for now.
